Depression is a learning experience like stubbing your toe is a learning experience – it hurts like hell and yeah, you learn things. You learn not to do things you never wanted to do in the first place. Things you never meant to do, things you never realized you were doing, things that you surely would have avoided if you had known.
I’m not saying that there are no positive outcomes of depression. You delve. You awaken to deeper truths about what you want. It’s just that it’s not worthwhile. It’s not worth it.
‘Cause you know what else teaches you things? You know what can open your eyes to the beauty of the world around us? Not having depression. Having the confidence to get that better job. Still enjoying that relationship. Getting out of bed every day. Those are the learning experiences.
You wouldn’t tell someone with migraines how much they’re learning. You wouldn’t say it to the victim of a car accident as they’re laying on their back in the hospital, looking for a helping hand. Sure, I’m learning. Because I’m hurting. I didn’t mean to stub my fucking toe. I didn’t mean to fall ill like this. I want to get better and lecturing me about lessons learned is not helping.
Lord, what I’d give to be learning something besides how to not be depressed. That’s what I’m striving for. To get back to that learning. To get back to the world.